Transactional Analysis in Coaching
đ« Edition 50 of Coachology in Practice
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." â George Bernard Shaw
đ« Edition 50 of Coachology in Practice
Written by Paul Smith, Managing Director
Have you ever walked away from a conversation wondering if the other person had somehow attended a completely different meeting?
You leave thinking, âI was only asking a question.â
They leave thinking, âWell, that was an attack.â
Weâve all been there. It happens in relationships, at work, in families and, if youâve ever dared to read the comments section on LinkedIn, probably every five minutes. I personally feel you canât disagree with many people these days without them feeling âattackedâ or that your opposing view somehow is a sign of disrespect to their âauthorityâ.
When reflecting on this, I canât help but think of South Park.
Whenever Eric Cartman shouts, âRespect my authoritah!â, heâs convinced heâs communicating from a position of authority and leadership. The reality, of course, is completely different. Everyone around him sees an insecure little boy demanding respect rather than earning it. Cartman thinks heâs leading. Everyone else sees a tantrum (Iâm sure weâve all worked with someone like that... perhaps youâre working with them now.).
Funny? Absolutely.
Accurate? More than weâd probably like to admit.
As coaches, one of the most valuable things we can help clients understand is that communication isnât just about the words we choose. Itâs about the place weâre communicating from and the place the other person is receiving the communication from. Two people can hear the same sentence and experience completely different conversations.
Thatâs where Transactional Analysis (TA) enters the picture. A theory with multiple concepts that can transform relationships.
Fifty Shades of Coachology - Weâve Reached 50 Editions
Before we dive into Transactional Analysis (TA) and the next 7â10 articles in this series, I wanted to pause for a moment and simply say thank you.
When I wrote the very first Coachology in Practice article, I genuinely didnât expect weâd still be here fifty weeks later.
Yet here we are.
Every week, almost 5,000 readers now join us across LinkedIn, Substack and the Coaching Minds Hub. Thatâs something Iâm incredibly grateful for.
Whether youâve read all fifty articles or this is your first, thank you for giving up a few minutes of your week to indulge my coaching ramblings, questionable comedy references, and occasional attempts to sneak Monty Python, South Park and many more whacky comedies into professional development.
One thing Iâd love you to remember is this: Coachology in Practice is your space as much as it is mine.
If thereâs a coaching model youâd like me to explore, a topic youâre wrestling with, or a question youâd like answered, drop it in the comments. Many of the articles in this series have been inspired by conversations with readers, and Iâd love that to continue.
Our mission at Coaching Minds has always been simple: to make coaching affordable and accessible.
Every comment, every share, and every discussion helps us move one step closer to that mission.
So, thank you. Now... letâs get transactional.
More Than Just Words
Transactional Analysis, originally developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne (no, not Cartman), explores how people communicate with one another. While it has its roots in psychotherapy, many of its concepts can be applied brilliantly within coaching to increase self-awareness and improve relationships.
One of Berneâs observations was that communication is far more than spoken words. Tone of voice, body language, facial expressions, timing, and previous experiences all influence how our message is interpreted. In other words, communication isnât simply about what we say. Itâs about what the other person hears.
As coaches, this is hugely important because clients often arrive describing difficult conversations. For example:
âMy manager doesnât listen.â
âMy partner never understands me.â
âMy colleague is impossible.â
Sometimes theyâre right. Sometimes theyâre only seeing half of the picture.
Every Conversation Is a Transaction
Berne described every interaction between two people as a transaction. Some transactions flow naturally. Some collide head-on. Some contain hidden messages that neither person fully acknowledges.
Think about the last disagreement you witnessed. Chances are it wasnât really about the topic being discussed. It was about the way both people were communicating. One person asks what they believe is an innocent question. The other hears criticism. One offers advice. The other hears control. One attempts humour. The other hears disrespect. The words havenât changed. The transaction has.
This is where coaching becomes quite transformational. Rather than helping clients rehearse better arguments, we can help them understand the pattern behind those arguments. We will be diving into various models, tools and concepts in our next articles to illustrate how we can do this.
Why This Matters in Coaching
One of the biggest shifts I made as a coach was to stop simply listening to what clients were saying and to start listening to how they were saying it. This allowed me to get to a deeper level of presence and help clients understand root causes more quickly. I asked myself:
Were they speaking confidently?
Were they apologising for every opinion?
Were they seeking permission?
Were they blaming everyone else?
Were they taking responsibility?
Transactional Analysis encourages us to become curious about these patterns rather than jumping to conclusions. Instead of asking, âWhoâs right?â we begin asking, âWhatâs happening in this interaction?â Often the subconscious bias of a coach to want to âsideâ with their client can prevent change and true benefit from coaching.
Coaching Awareness, Not Analysis
Itâs important to remember that Transactional Analysis is a psychological approach with therapeutic roots. As coaches, weâre not attempting to analyse personalities or diagnose behaviour. Thatâs outside our scope of practice. Instead, we borrow concepts that encourage awareness.
Our role isnât to explain why somebody behaves as they do. Our role is to help clients notice the patterns themselves. Awareness almost always comes before change.
So, How Do We Put This Into Practice?
The next time a client describes a difficult conversation, resist the temptation to explore only what was said. Instead, become curious about the transaction itself.
You might ask:
What do you think the other person heard?
How do you think your tone influenced the conversation?
What assumptions were both of you making?
What might the other personâs perspective have been?
If somebody had watched that conversation without hearing the words, what would they have observed?
What part of the conversation was within your control?
If you could replay that interaction tomorrow, what would you do differently?
Questions like these help clients move beyond blame and begin understanding the role they play in every interaction. Sometimes they discover they werenât actually having the conversation they thought they were having. Personally, I find it a fascinating approach and one that really transformed my coaching practice.
Final Reflection
Communication isnât simply about speaking. Itâs about connecting. Eric Berne spent years helping us understand that every conversation is made up of transactions, and those transactions shape our relationships, our confidence, and the way we experience the world.
As coaches, we donât need to become psychotherapists to benefit from his work. We simply need to become better observers. The greatest breakthroughs donât always happen when clients learn what to say, they happen when they finally understand why the conversation went wrong in the first place.
This is Coachology.
đ« Next Week: Edition 51, âPAC-Man: The Coaching Game of Ego Statesâ
Keywords: Coachology, Coaching, Coachologist, Coaching Psychology, Transactional Analysis, Transactions, Communication
